Librarianship is not all about reading books and shushing people. At least not anymore. As I have discovered over the course of several decades of library work, the patrons we serve expect a lot from us, some expectations more reasonable than others. For those of you of the non-library persuasion, I present to you for … Continue reading Duties of a Children’s Librarian from A-Z
My companions and I were having a grand old time. That is, until our coach bus unexpectedly pulled over and Lyle started yelling. And you’ll never guess who it was that set him off… It was early in the summer of 1996. I had completed my junior year of high school and had eagerly signed … Continue reading Lyle the Bus Driver and the Duck Call
“And just so you know,” Clash said, turning to Van Troes, “the glass we put in is reinforced and bullet-proof.” “Oh, that’s…” began Van Troes. “Deadshot,” Clash cut in, looking over Van Troes’ shoulder, “give him a demonstration.” “No, really…” Van Troes stammered, turning to Deadshot and holding his hands up, “that’s not neces-WAAH!” The businessman ducked as the assassin pulled out two guns and began to fire at the windows. As promised, the glass remained intact, the spent bullets plunking to the floor. “Not a scratch,” Deadshot grinned wryly as she slipped her guns back into their holsters. “Wha—” Van Troes blurted, still on floor. “While you’re down there, Mr. Van Troes,” continued Corporal Clash as if nothing unusual had happened, “you might notice that the new carpeting is made of a high tech blend of fibers that renders it completely flame resistant.” Van Troes heard an ominous clicking sound coming from Mighty Man. He looked up to see the mechanized man pointing downward with what appeared to be a flame thrower mounted on one of his arms. “NO!” screamed Van Troes.
Pierce: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Since when are we accepting family members? W.H. Harrison: Since Ben is the 23rd President. Besides, we never get to do anything together. Pierce: Then take him fishing. He’s not joining.
Harrison: You should have known better! You can’t trust that man around money. Fillmore: Look, I knew he was a bit shady, but I didn’t think he’d walk off with the entire till! Hayes: He took all of the money? Fillmore: All he left was a note saying that he had an emergency poker game to attend.
The bright color of the fruit having caught my eye, I picked one off and examined it. Purely for experimental purposes, I threw the tomato at our fence to see what it would do. It exploded against the wood in a red, and quite satisfying, splotch of glory.
Hayes: Has anyone seen President Van Buren lately? He used to come to these meetings all the time. Harrison: He had told me that he was feeling a bit over-committed. After all, he’s pretty active in the Forgotten Vice-Presidents group and the One-Term Wonders Club. I think he’s also planning to start a group for presidents who speak Dutch. But as he is the only one qualified, I can’t see how that can go anywhere.
Hayes: (To Pierce) I don’t know what you’re complaining about anyway. Personally, I’d rather be here than be in the League of Forgotten Vice-Presidents. I hear that’s a sorry group… Fillmore: Hey! I’m in that League! Hayes: (Gesturing to Fillmore) See what I mean?
Pierce: I shouldn’t be here! Tyler: You’re an unknown President. Pierce: Not true…I am known as the handsomest President ever! Tyler: Who told you that? Hayes: His mother, probably.