Fast Food Fairy Tale, Chapter 03: Carl, Jr.


The Burger King and the Dairy Queen had a son by the name of Prince Carl, Jr. The son was the caramel-covered apple of his father’s eye. From his youth, Carl studied the secret arts of burger-making from the King. Upon reaching manhood, he was bequeathed a portion of the kingdom known as Hardeeshire where he established his own restaurant, naming it Carl, Jr.’s. Many throughout the land made the pilgrimage to Hardeeshire, (or as it would gradually become known over the course of time, “Hardees”). The people marveled at the way Carl, Jr. managed to successfully imitate his father’s near-magical way of making all the pickles on his burgers warm and mushy. It did make the burger-eating experience a bit messy, however, as the mushy pickles had a tendency to slide (with the help of one or more select condiments), sending the top half of the burger skidding off in one direction, and the bottom half in the other. The more fastidious restaurant patrons complained of the mess. But the Prince, who could turn a phrase as well as any educated man in the kingdom, liked to say:

“If it doesn’t get all over the place, it doesn’t belong in your face.”

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