Fast Food Fairy Tale, Chapter 02: The Dairy Queen


The Dairy Queen was as sweet as the desserts she produced. Together with her trusted handmaidens Baskin and Robin, the kingdom was never short of ice cream and other frozen treats. But for all her sweetness, the Queen was also known for her cunning and cleverness. It was also rumored that she also possessed magical powers. This rumor began to circulate following the mysterious incident of TCBY.
TCBY was a new business that appeared in Dryvthru that began marketing yogurt as a dessert. When asked what the initials meant, the owner informed the curious that TCBY stood for “The Cingdom’s Best Yogurt.” Unfortunately, by the time the owner discovered that “Kingdom” didn’t actually start with a “C,” it was too late to change because the name was already trademarked. At first, TCBY was welcomed within the kingdom, and the Queen, though doubtful of the “yogurt-as-dessert” concept, accepted TCBY as a worthy competitor to the ice cream market. That is, until she discovered the true meaning behind the name of TCBY.

With the help of scholars, the Queen found that TCBY was actually a phrase derived from the ancient language of the Hellthnutt tribe. When roughly translated, the phrase read “The Dairy Queen will never figure out that we are trying to overthrow her ice cream business-Neener Neener!”

The Blizzard that occurred in Dryvthru was the worst in anyone’s memory, especially for the middle of July. Stranger still, the only thing to really suffer from the storm was the TCBY store which was buried to its roof in ice cream, and sprinkled with cookie crumbs and fragments of candy bars. The Dairy Queen never commented on the strange occurrence but many wondered if she if fact caused the Blizzard. Then there were others in the kingdom who believed that it was not the Queen who possessed magical powers, but the loyal Baskin and Robin instead. After all, how could it be explained that after years of coming up with new and delicious ice creams, the two handmaidens still admitted to having only 31 flavors available?

“I cannot figure it out,” said the Burger King one night after he the Queen had paid a visit to the kitchen where Baskin and Robin worked. “I cannot find one flavor missing from the original 31, and yet there seems to be ever more choices. I count the flavors myself, yet I always come up with 31. How can this be?”

The Queen merely smiled.

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