Disclaimer: I found the attached image at the following site: http://dailycaller.com/2014/03/19/this-painting-of-george-washington-dunking-on-dictators-is-breathtaking/. This picture fit too perfectly for my drama to pass up! Kudos to painter Aaron Needham.

By Steven Dexheimer

Skip: As we approach the start of the third quarter, let’s take a look back at how the two teams have played, and talk a little about what we can expect for the second half.

Larry: Well, as we mentioned during the break, the Civil Warriors and the Founding Fathers are pretty evenly matched, as you can tell by the score. But I’m surprised at the conservative play from both teams. There really hasn’t been any kind of fireworks.

Skip: Everyone seems to be on their best behavior. Even Sherman has avoided further fouling. The person to really watch now is Grant who was really showing some signs of fatigue at the end of the first half. He appears to be well enough to continue playing though. But let’s check in with our sideline reporter Blake Del Monte who had a chance to talk with Coach McClellan. Blake, what’s the status on Grant?

Blake: Well Skip, Coach McClellan informed me just a few minutes ago that Grant is going to play in the second half. McClellan will, however, keep an eye on Grant, and promised to pull him out if he shows signs of fatigue.

Larry: Does McClellan know what may be wrong with Grant, if anything?

Blake: At this point he is unsure. As you know, this has been a recurring problem. He has talked with Grant on numerous occasions about this, but as you can see, nothing has been resolved yet.

Skip: Thank you, Blake. We’ll check in on you later on for further sideline updates.

Blake: You got it, Skip.

Skip: The third quarter is about to get under way. Lincoln and Washington are at center court. The ball is up…and is batted by Washington to Adams. Adams dribbles down court, looking for an open man. He passes to Madison who sets and shoots for three…oh, no good! It bounces off the rim and is recovered by Sherman. Sherman muscles his way out from under the basket and tosses the ball to Lee who passes it to Jackson.

Larry: Jackson’s left arm still raised high, I see. (Both men chuckle)

Skip: It’s a shame he couldn’t find a more convenient way to, uh, balance his blood.

Larry: It doesn’t seem to be hindering Jackson now as he moves down the court.

Skip: Jackson with a long throw to Lincoln who goes for the lay-up…and is fouled by Patrick Henry! Henry is arguing the call, but in looking at the replay, we can see that Henry did grab at Lincoln’s arm.

Larry: Henry has finished his argument with the referee, but you can tell that he is still upset as Lincoln lines up at the free throw line for his two shots.

Skip: The first shot is good. The Civil Warriors up by one. Lincoln looks confident as he lines up for his second shot.

Larry: As well he should. Lincoln is the team leader in successful free throw percentage.

Skip: Lincoln’s second shot is…good. It bounced around a bit but it finally went home. 49-47 Warriors lead. Jefferson picks up the rebound and waits for an open man. The Warriors are keeping up a strong defense, trying to protect their small lead. Jefferson passes to Washington who is being heavily guarded by Lincoln.

Larry: Lincoln has the advantage with those really long arms of his.

Skip: Washington is continuing to push forward, keeping himself between Lincoln and the ball…And a whistle is blown! I’m not sure why…

Larry: The referee is pointing to Grant, who is down. He’s down…and it doesn’t look like he’s attempting to get back up. The Warrior’s have called a time out and the trainer is coming out. He appears to be talking with Grant, who looks to be responsive.

Skip: The trainer is now pointing at the Warrior’s bench and is asking for something. It looks like they’re bringing out a water bottle.

Larry: Perhaps Grant really is suffering from dehydration.

Skip: Wait a moment…the trainer has opened the bottle and smelling the contents. Now the coaches and the referee have come over. They are passing around the water bottle. We’re still not sure what the discussion is about. Now the referee has taken a drink from the bottle. He’s nodding. And now he’s pointing at someone. It appears that he wants to talk to John Adams.

Larry: What on earth is going on?

Skip: Let’s check in again with Blake Del Monte. Blake, what is happening right now?

Blake: Skip, from what I understand, the trainer discovered beer in Grant’s water bottle. We do know that Grant has struggled with alcohol from time to time…

Larry: Excuse me, Blake, but why would Grant deliberately impair his playing ability by drinking beer throughout the game?

Blake: Well that’s just it, Larry. Would Grant deliberately sabotage himself? I think the answer is no, at least according to Coach McClellan and the Warrior’s trainer.

Skip: We saw the referee take a drink. What does he believe?

Blake: Here’s a twist for you. The referee recognized the beer as being a Sam Adams brand. Sam, as you might know, is the cousin of John Adams…

Skip: Sorry to interrupt you, Blake, but it looks like things are heating up between the referee and John Adams. Adams is looking very upset right now. The referee is pointing to the Founding Fathers’ bench. He seems to want something. Someone is coming from the bench with a bag. He’s wearing a warm-up suit so I can’t see his number. Do you recognize him, Larry?

Larry: I think that might be Benedict Arnold…

Skip: I think you’re right. It’s Benedict Arnold, and he’s joining the referee and Adams at mid-court. He’s unzipping the bag and showing the contents to the referee. The referee is now pulling out what looks like empty beer bottles…

Larry: And now he’s ejecting Adams from the game, and Adams is furious!

Skip: Apparently, the referee believes that Adams has been slipping beer into Grant’s water bottle throughout the game, knowing Grant’s weakness for alcohol.

Larry: Adams is not going away quietly. He has pulled the wig off his head and has thrown it down. He is yelling at both the referee and Arnold in turns. Not to question Arnold’s integrity, but one would have to ask why he would turn in Adams like this.

Skip: It looks like Arnold is taking off his warm-up jacket now, and…holy smokes!

Larry: I don’t believe it! Arnold is wearing a Civil Warriors uniform! Arnold is switching sides!

Skip: Now Washington is furious! He throws his wig down and begins to yell at Arnold. Meanwhile, Blake, what is the status on Grant?

Blake: Sleeping peacefully. Back to you.

Larry: Now an argument seems to be erupting among the Civil Warriors. Lincoln and Sherman are yelling at Lee and Jackson, who have appeared to have changed their uniforms as well.

Skip: What does it say on their jerseys?

Larry: I believe it says…Richmond Rebels. Apparently Lee and Jackson are separating from the Warriors and forming their own team!

Skip: It’s absolute pandemonium down on the court, and I think that it’s safe to say that this ballgame is over. Wouldn’t you agree, Larry?

Larry: I would, Skip. It will be awhile before this whole thing gets sorted out.

Skip: I’ve been informed that we’re going to send it back to our network affiliates. With Larry Yarp and Blake Del Monte, this is Skip Winkendale, saying thanks for joining us-so long everybody!