My writing output has taken a serious nose dive the last couple of months. This is due to the fact that I have recently picked up a second job delivering pizza (which has quickly become my second full-time job). This has proven to be quite the educational experience for me, and I have written down a few of the things that I have learned as a culinary transportation specialist:

• No matter how carefully you drive, sometimes the cheese is going to slide.
• Murphy’s Law abounds. You will hit every red light when you are late, all your main routes will be under prolonged construction, and your farthest delivery will come up minutes before closing.
• Your GPS devise will occasionally lie to you.
• Locating a rural route address is like trying to tame a wild animal. You may think you have the system figured out, but the moment you let your guard down, an address will turn on you and render you hopelessly lost (and did I mention that your GPS will occasionally lie to you?)
• I thought I was a good tipper before becoming a delivery driver. I was wrong.
• When it’s the middle of the night, the street that you’re on is pitch dark, and the customer has forgotten to turn on their porch light, do your best not to look like a creeper while driving slowly and staring intently at every house on the block.
• When recording a customer’s address on the order ticket, accuracy is fairly important. For a driver, a “close enough” address can send you to a wrong house, a wrong street, or a wrong town altogether. Also, the words “street,” “road,” “lane,” etc. are rarely interchangeable.
• In pizza delivery, sometimes presentation is more important than the product itself. Many a pizza has been sent back because it was not aesthetically pleasing.
• Some people take their pizza orders very seriously. Humor them; they may be armed.
• It is possible to order a cheese pizza without cheese.