Fast Food Fairy Tale, Chapter 03: An Assembly of Villains


No one was quite sure what his real name was, it had been so long since it was last used. To his friends and enemies alike, he was known by the nickname of Little Julius. Anyone who saw the man had no trouble in determining how he earned this nomenclature. Short of stature, and having a penchant for wearing togas and laurels, he bore an uncanny resemblance to the Roman emperor; and like the original Caesar, Little Julius was fired by an unquenchable ambition for greatness. Having worked through the ranks of the pizza industry, he had established his own moderately successful restaurant some years ago. For many restaurateurs, this would have been satisfactory. However, Little Julius didn’t want to be just another pizza guy in Dryvthru; he wanted to be the only pizza guy. To achieve this, he needed to eliminate his competition.

However, this was something he could not do alone. Hence, the midnight meeting that was now taking place inside his restaurant. Among his conspirators was the villainous sea food pirate Long Jim Silverware and big city mobster and sandwich maker Hoboken Mike. Both men were looking to expand their influence over their own respective food markets and were immediately agreeable to a meeting with Little Julius.

“Pizza! Pizza!” bellowed Little Julius as he paced in front of a table where Silverware and Mike sat. “When people crave pizza, I want them to turn to me, and to no one else!”

His cohorts growled in ascent.

“There will be no one else once we have finished our work!”

“Arr, that be true enough, mate,” spoke Long Jim Silverware. “Them lubbers’ll never know what’s hit them!”

“Yeah,” agreed Hoboken Mike. “It’ll be like, bada-boom, fuggetaboutit.”

“So what be the plan?” asked Silverware.

Little Julius stopped pacing and took a seat at the table.

“It’s quite simple. Many of my competitors rely on various ingredients that are imported across the sea from other lands. You and your crew will see to it that as many of the trading ships bringing these ingredients come to port empty. As for you Mike, I want you and your boys to pay frequent visits to these restaurants and…persuade customers to go elsewhere for pizza.”

“Preferably to Little Julius’, am I right?” Hoboken Mike grinned maliciously.

“Naturally,” Little Julius replied with a small smile of his own, “and with the ingredients shortage and the loss of customers, each restaurant will be bound to go bankrupt. However, before they go completely belly-up, I will step in at the last minute and generously offer money to bail them out, with the provision that I become majority owner of the restaurant. And so one by one, each competitor will gradually morph into a Little Julius branch restaurant.

“Yar!” said Silverware, pounding the table. “A hostile corporate takeover. Brilliant!”

“And if this plan proves successful, soon the seafood and sandwich industries will also fall under new management.” Little Julius gestured to his partners, and three villains laughed.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ about!” boomed Hoboken Mike.

“Gentlemen,” Little Julius stood once again, his arms outstretched dramatically. “The die is cast.”

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